THE NOCTURNAL TEAR

We survive everyday,  rather live everyday amidst a lot of chaos of expressions..
A smile from deep within, fake tears, new phobias, or irrelevant fears, laughter that hurts the belly or the frown that dries up even before the thought of crying..
Irrespective of however a loud or happy person we are, we have all once or more in life come across a time where we meet ourselves and experience the magical moment of facing the truth and accepting the negligence towards our delicate emotions that we refuse to bring out to the world, the one's which just belong to us and always will.
a time when your all alone..may be the time before you actually go to sleep (at least for me, that's the time when i have a special meeting with myself whether 5 minutes or hours)..
NO! its not about being an insomniac nor does this happen everyday..
It happens beautifully at the time when your semi conscious mind just strolls around and starts narrating all the good and bad of the day, memories of the past or  uncertainty of the future, about all the things that you might be avoiding, the feelings that you were trying to keep away from, and facing perhaps that pain which you were trying to hide since like forever.. 
Why magical? because its the most honest expression that your soul gives out in agony- a tear! 
no one to see, no one to hear, just one person to feel the ache- you!
Here, lie cant exist,
your heart rules,
no space allows escape,
you cant deny or manipulate questions either..
Feel like a child again?
At that time, irrespective of your age, you innocently cuddle around and hug the pillow tighter, consoling every drop that falls and drenches the fabric and silently and sincerely you answer yourself every disapproved fact!
its very positive because it leads to acceptance..
it has its own exquisiteness. 
let it flow..... bring it out.... 
because the next morning that emotion would strengthen and secure you.
it will let you know what you feel and obviously it will keep the soul in you alive!!

Love yourself!
No one can do a better job..
 Rab Rakha!! 

nurture the desire!

Be happy with what you have! Really?
sounds good, do you implement it?

I did, for quite sometime in life.. considering maturity and understanding of life and blah and blah blah!!

but reality doesn't change..
Half of us are unhappily satisfied and the other half are happily unsatisfied.. and this will continue since we are designed in a particular manner.. but one thing is in our own hands-the belief!!
I learnt in school about human wants and behavior.. Undoubtedly it is true.. A deluge of wants.. Then why? Why even say or preach about being happy with what you have, when you want more.. you know you can't..
i know I can't, rather now  I DON'T WANT TO!

I was going through this magazine the other day and came across a picture of an heavily expensive, astounding,marvelous, heavenly looking holiday destination! Looked at it! Looked at it again! And again!! And........................... (No! I didn't book the tickets but.............) at the moment didn't feel like giving up either! It pinched a little, (honestly a lot) to know that I couldn't go there!! and why, even when i needed it the most at that moment? if so many can, why cant i afford it? 

it has no answer, just an option-believe in it.. believe with all you have..whenever you look at it.. want it.. crave for it.. and feel yourself getting closer to it.. it will happen on its own! just be patient!

 'it' could be with everything.. your love, your dream job, your new car,a beautiful home, your private jet, any feeling or my holiday destination ;)..

I tell myself a million times when I look into the mirror- "oye, YOU as AMRITA SALUJA are never going to be born again, tho what is the wait for?"

dont kill your desires- NURTURE THEM!!

 focus!! So strongly that you actually attract the things that are supposed to happen to you! don't budge! dont give up!

Its the law of attraction that I wish to decipher..

Thank God every single day for what you have but direct your life towards how you want to live it(with all u want)!

rab rakha!

Lost and Found..

 

Its perhaps the same with all of us..

What am talking about is loosing and finding yourself back a million times in the process of being inspired by someone or if i can put it in the better way-when we try to be someone who we arent..

As a lecturer for styling where i teach my students about the confidence of carrying yourself and learning from inspirations around, i firmly stress on one point- take inspiration, but don't loose identity!!
The problem is being carried away by our very own thoughts!!
and though that is very normal rather very human, its a tough job to live your own age!!

Well, let me give an example..
As a kid (8 years or so), when ever i looked at my elder cousin carrying a smart trendy sling bag around or read her college notes written in colourful pens(which i barely understood but the font and colour attracted me), her perfectly manicured nails or her thin waist and the fit of her denims, and before i forget to mention-her stilettos!! 
I remember how i used to imitate her, just to impress people around..
I ate in the sophisticated manner that she did or honestly at least tried to.. 
I tried to behave like i was 36-24-36 but in reality my tops barely cover my belly.  I used to go back to look at my fat tummy, my bag full of books that i wanted to avoid, my boring monotonous school uniform and crib to myself and ask God (like i was living the toughest life) WHY CANT I BE LIKE HER? ............. 
God obviously didn't take me seriously and took his time to get me to her age.. 

............................but then a lot had changed in me.. all the time that i spent in being my cousins age snatched away the time that i was supposed to be child like..
i lost the child in me (which till a recent 2 years i didn't find out) 
we obviously dont understand these things as kids but we do understand now..
 I can relate to it today whenever my 5 yr old cousin sister stares at me when i get dressed and says "mujhe aap ke black wale heels aur same aapke jaise wala phone chaiye", she says!

I have seen many people.. Got inspired by a few.. Made many friends.. 
Laughed a lot.. Cried a lot.. Felt hurt.. Got depressed.. Fell down.. Got up again.. 
Many left me.. I left many, Set my goals, Dreamt more, Achieved a lot and aim to fulfill more............................ and amidst this platter of life I LEARNT!! 
Learnt to love myself again.. to discover again that i actually like eating a chocolate ice cream when  it creates a mess around my lips..i learnt not to impress .. found out that a small chocolate or a flower can change the route of a depressed day.. to be happy just aaveye.. to fight with nature for my demands and make sure that they are approved and fulfilled..!!

i found again the soul in me.. i found me back!!

keep the child in you alive!!

rab rakha!!